Subject: Hell
 

 Is Hell exothermic?

 The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
 chemistry mid term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared
 it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as
 well.

 Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
absorbs heat)?

 Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
 
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
 leaving.  I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell,
 it will not leave.

 Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell,
 lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
 Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
 religion, you will go to Hell.

 Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
 belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

 With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.

 Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
 same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

 This gives two possibilities:

 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter  Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.
 
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
 souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
 freezes over.

 So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa
Banyan during my Freshman year - that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I
 sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not
 succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, it cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

 The student received the only "A" given.
 


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